Ian Tonks, 49, has praised his father-in-law, Graham Sisson, for the incredibly brave decision to donate his kidney at the age of 84 – saving Ian’s life at a time when he was critically ill.
The pair were treated by Manchester Royal Infirmary’s living donor transplant team, where a healthy kidney is taken from a living donor and transplanted into a recipient who has suffered kidney failure. The procedure is often carried out with the two patients just metres away from each other, and it can take the recipient up to a year to fully recover.
“My first transplant was 12 years ago, but six years in I started having problems due to an autoimmune disease, and my kidney began to decline rapidly,” explained Ian.
“I went on dialysis from 2018 up until my recent transplant from Graham. It puts a complete stop to your life. It requires a strict routine for spending time on the dialysis machine, meaning I could no longer work and my hobbies stopped. I have a classic car I like to work on and go for weekend drives with my partner, I’m a big Birmingham City fan and I enjoyed my work – but all of that ended because of my condition.
“I was placed on the transplant list, but you can face quite a wait because of the demand for organs. One of my friends, Pete, went through all the stages of being tested to donate, during which they found out he had a problem with his heart and required an emergency operation to save his own life. The act of kindness to save my life ironically saved his own.
“My wife, and Graham’s daughter, Helen, had already tried to donate when I first needed a transplant in 2013. I met her when I was ill and warned her she wouldn’t want to be with me because of my situation, but having previously had cancer herself, she was understanding and completely fine with it. That previous cancer diagnosis, however, also meant she wasn’t compatible for donation.
“Lots of people said they would be open to donating, but it’s daunting and they would understandably back out. Helen was the first person, outside of Pete, who properly meant it. Helen’s sister also tried to donate, but our blood types didn’t match – that was when I got a call from Graham one Sunday night.”
Like many people, Ian assumed Graham would have been too old to donate. In reality, organ donations can be made by people of different ages, genders and races.
Graham said of his decision to call Ian and offer his kidney: “I could see how incredibly ill he was and I wanted to help him get his life back. His whole life revolved around dialysis. Many family members put themselves forward but couldn’t donate for various reasons, so I put myself forward and the tests showed I was compatible.
“To make sure it was safe for both of us, I then had 11 months of tests. By this point he was so ill that if the operation had been delayed, he may well have run out of time.”
“I was shell-shocked by Graham’s decision,” said Ian. “Total disbelief – he was so confident about wanting to do it. There is truly no gift in the world that matches what he did. To this day, my voice cracks whenever I talk about it, knowing how brave he has been for no other reason than to help me.
“It’s unbelievable – the kindest thing a person has ever done for me.”
In November 2024, the pair travelled to Manchester Royal Infirmary for surgery, where they stayed for a few days. After a year of waiting, they were both surprised to discover how calm they felt about the procedure.
“It only felt real a few months beforehand,” said Graham. “By the time we were on our way there, I wasn’t too bothered about it, to be honest. Because of my age, I was more concerned about post-surgery, but having met the staff at the hospital I was completely confident about the procedure.”
Ian agreed: “The professionalism of the department saved my life, as I had a few complications in the lead-up to it. They helped ensure I stayed really calm about the surgery.
“The team were so compassionate. They constantly kept me updated on Graham’s situation, as the donor surgery starts first, and all I was concerned about was how he was doing. They took all my fears away – an exceptional team.”
Thanks to the work and dedication of Manchester Royal Infirmary’s renal transplant team, Ian and Graham, the transplant went well and both made a full recovery. Graham’s selfless act has meant Ian’s life has completely transformed:
“It’s been unbelievable. Not being able to simply pass water because of dialysis, and having a fluid restriction of 100ml for several years, to all of a sudden drinking three litres a day was a massive shock. It still feels incredible just to go to the toilet normally and not be tied to a machine.
“Without Graham, I would have died within a matter of months. Without his unbelievable selflessness, I’d be gone. To be that age and do what he has done is incredible.”
Graham added:
“I’m thrilled to bits to see Ian’s life change, but others seem to think it is a bigger thing than I do. I did get an award from NHS Blood and Transplant as a Kidney for Life Hero and have a badge, which I wear with pride.
“Recovery was quick for me and I have carried on as normal. We’ve been to the cricket together and have gone to watch Derby County.”
Ian added: “We also had a holiday to Wales as a family, we had the worst meal we’d ever eaten there, but making daft memories like these again has been amazing. We’re a close family and do lots together – I think most people would give everything to have a family like this.
“I said at my wedding speech before the transplant that Graham is an unsung hero. He always helps, whether it’s a lift or financial support. He never asks for anything but gives everything. It’s a surprise he did this, but also not at all, because that’s just who he is.”
On his overall thoughts, Graham said: “The attention and praise is embarrassing, really. I’m just glad it worked.”
